Today was such a good day. Today our sweet, darling girl turned 3- IN OUR HOUSE! 365 days ago she turned 2 NOT in our house and it was so hard. It was so sad for us that we had prayed with complete faith that she would be home and God still said “no”. Sad because we missed her even though we didn’t really know her yet. Sad because it just plain sucks to get a “no” from God. Sad because we knew that statistically her best chance for attachment was already so many months past and that each separation she experienced, and all the time apart from us would mean more obstacles to overcome to win her heart and show her how to trust us. It was frustrating for me because I knew that God could do it! I know that God can do anything, and he could have made this happen. But he essentially told me he didn’t want to, because he had a better plan for His glory. And although I believed him, knowing these truths didn’t make my loss on Cora’s 2nd birthday a whole lot easier to swallow.
But mercifully, that tough day came and went. And in the surrounding weeks we had so much support, so much love, so much encouragement and many prayers from our friends and family. Friends who cried with us, and friends who challenged us. And it was Good! As crazy as it is to say, it was a good season even though it was hard. Today was good and also the months of waiting were good.
God did so many good things in the following 5 months longer that it took to bring Cora home, and as always, hindsight is 20/20 and I see so many things that God accomplished in that time. And perhaps the most beautiful thing is that, although God said “no” to Cora coming home for her birthday last year, he said “yes” when we asked him to protect her little heart and make it ready to attach to us. Because he truly did that!! We read all the books, and talked to other adoptive parents, and got ready for serious challenges. And although the last 6 months have been hard work, we have been amazed SO many times over how ready Cora was to attach to us. Her heart was so soft, and she was so willing to let us in. It honestly is a miracle that is difficult to explain if you’re not very well read on attachment issues. She missed out on SO many moments of attachment with us in the first 2 and a half years of her life. She had several broken bonds. She had (mostly) institutionalized care- the most amazing care we can image, but still not a home. By all accounts, I don’t think that we really “should” be where we are at with her attachment wise.
It is impossible to know what the next 6 months, or year or 20 years will hold, as far as Cora’s attachment and forming identity and all the unpacking the complexity of adoption will go. But I am so thankful for this start we have had. For the blessings and answers to prayer we have had! We have two awesome daughters. They are fun and silly and so, so sweet. It was wonderful to celebrate the things that I have learned in the last year and also to celebrate having Cora home with us forever!
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Romans 8:26-32
Lanaya
(From a blog post written September 20, 2016)
