Finishing up with T-Z. If you missed out on the previous posts, check out the last few posts.
Transracial: Transracial Adoption describes any family where the adoptees and adoptive parents are of different races. These families are beautiful but these relationships also add to the complexity of adoption since many times adoptees feel alone in how they look and feel, or disconnected from others who look like them. I have learned so much from adult transracial adoptees who are willing to use their time and energy to help me to be a better parent to transracial and international adoptees.
Unknown: Unknown medical history and unknown family history. Even in cases of open adoption, there can be unknown history on one side or just very limited info in all areas. Again, these are things that are taken for granted in a typical family, but important things to be aware of when interacting with adoptive families. We are so thankful for the information we DO have, and also acutely aware, at times, that there is much unknown.
V is for Volatile. Can I get a show of hands from all the parents with emotionally volatile children?? I need to know I am not alone! My girls are so incredibly sweet and enjoyable, but hokie-dyna! We can be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. (and not just the kids…)
Waiting: Waiting is the hardest part about older child adoption. Until you get home. And then the hardest part about adoption is parenting.
Exhaustion: I am cheating with an “eX” word. Change is exhausting. And we’ve all been through a LOT of that in the last few years- especially Cora. Any adult would be tired even if they chose the change, but a 2.5 year old is completely lost and confused with no idea if what is happening or if they are safe. Cora has managed this craziness with a lot of grace, and we are so thankful that she really seemed ready to attach to us. But it is still stressful and exhausting for all of us and it seems like as we get over one hurdle, we face the next.
Yearning: One of the things I have learned from adult adoptees over the years is that many adoptees experience a deep yearning for the place of their birth. Some adoptees have found the Welsh word “HIRAETH” best describes this profound feeling that no English word seems to encapsulate. When I did a bit of research on this word I found that it has so much depth that English speakers have to use many words together to explain this yearning. One website described it as “a rather multi-layered word, which includes a different variety of homesickness than what is generally referred to. This kind of homesickness is like a combination of the homesickness, longing, nostalgia, and yearning, for a home that you cannot return to, no longer exists, or maybe never was. It can also include grief or sadness for who or what you have lost, losses which make your “home” not the same as the one you remember.” and refers to another English definition as “the place where the spirit lives”. As a Christian, when I read this last definition, I cannot help but think of heaven, which is where my spirit longs to be while my body is here on earth. I don’t know what it is like but I know it will be better than anything I can imagine- fully immersed in the presence of God without any of the brokenness of earth! And although I will never know the feeling of wishing for my birthplace like an adoptee, I hope that my yearning for heaven allows me a bit more empathy for an adoptees feelings in this area.
Zero: Z is also a difficult letter! The best I could come up with is Zero- for Zero Guarantees. I know that there aren’t many guarantees in parenting. However, in adoption, the lack of information reduced them even more so. I am not complaining- I knowingly, specifically choose to adopt my children knowing that “healthy” was not in their newborn description. My gut reaction is to want my children to have perfect, idyllic lives where they succeed in everything they do and everything works out the way they want. But honestly, I don’t think that is best. There is a God we can have full confidence in when life is not ideal. I know that when life isn’t perfect, that’s when we understand God best. We experience his comfort and peace and provision when things aren’t perfect FAR better than when they seem easy. We chose adoption because we wanted a family, kids with special needs needed families, moms in trouble needed options to choose life, and God can be glorified and work in them and me no matter what. When life has zero guarantees, God can always be relied on,
Lanaya – November 2017
