Fake

Lifetime Healing’s sixth Instagram prompt for Adoption Awareness Month is the word “Fake”. I am both struggling with these prompts and loving them. I was really wrestling with what to share for this prompt because this is something I am struggling with right now. As I was thinking about the prompt and going through our photos from our trip to Taiwan, these beads sparked some thought.

These beautiful, beads in the path are real. They are authentic, hand-made Taiwanese glass beads. Just because they are embedded in the concrete and we can only see half, doesn’t mean they are fake.

I’m not trying to be fake. I am not trying to, but sometimes it feels like it because so much of my life is hidden. That last… oh 2.5 years have been really hard, not without a lot of good, but really, really hard! So, when I speak vaguely of our struggles it’s not that I want be disingenuous. I don’t want to be elusive and secretive. I am desperate for some solidarity and understanding. But the war between openness and guarding stories that aren’t mine is tricky. So much of my story and my journey is wrapped up in the private, intimate, details of my children’s lives. And their lives are wrapped up in their first families, including their need to be relinquished and their tr

auma. So, I’m not trying to be fake, but I sure am trying to protect my kiddos’ stories. And their birthmoms from judgement. And that’s really hard. I have not figured it out. So far, I think I am doing a killer job of guardian, but at the expense of my own need for openness, community and support.

The photo above is of some beautiful, handmade glass beads embedded in a path. They are not fake. They are whole, genuine, and beautiful. But they are half hidden, buried in

So many beautiful, unique beads hand-made by aboriginal Taiwanese artisans.

what protects them and keeps them safe. If we walked on them without this protection, we would crush them. It’s like my journey right now, it is hidden, but all the struggle is still there. It’s just that in guarding the stories of my precious kiddos, my struggle comes out a little fake. Does this resonate with you?

This is my bracelet, custom made to include the 4 beads that represent each of our birthmonths. (left to right: September, April, July, November.

 

Read all my posts for Adoption Awareness Month 2018 on my Instagram @lanaya.graham

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